Sorrow and Sadness Despite the Joy - part #2

I place a high value on service, hosting, and making people feel welcome. These are all part of my personality, ingrained in my up bringing, and things I enjoy immensely. I’ve hosted numerous parties throughout the years, and I hope to have several more!

My current living situation in Sudan does not allow me to invite people into my home as often as I would like. I live in a 10 x 8 feet thatched roof structure (though I spend two nights a week in a tent staying close to the other WHM missionaries). I am grateful for this shelter and its location in the center of town, but I do miss having a kitchen and space for others to enter in. I miss cooking for and with friends and trying to feed people more food than they could possibly eat in one sitting. I have no chairs for visitors to sit on, but can only offer them a spot on my mat that lies on my often dusty and dirt-clad floor. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, for I am deeply thankful to be where I am, but my gifts of hospitality and service have been stifled for now, and I mourn that because it is something I enjoy much.

I say these things as a preface to the disappointment I felt yesterday. Even though the service and ceremony ran late as one speech ran into another, the food was very late in coming. One of the speakers talked about the bull that was generously donated for the events, and how we would be feasting on its meat. But when the speeches were finished and everyone was ready to eat, there was a long delay, at least for most, before the food came. More than half of the visitors and guests, including most of my friends, left before the food was served. There were various reasons why people left – some needed to return to their work and families, others were tired after sitting for many hours, and some were tired of waiting for the promised food and decided to eat at their own homes instead.

The honored guests, ECS, and WHM staff were served almost immediately after the speeches ended, but it was nearly two hours later before the last of the guests were served. Many people waited long and patiently for food to be brought to them, and I am thankful for their patience, but I am deeply sorry that they had to wait so long and that those hosting the party were the ones to eat first and bountifully while everyone else patiently endured.

I know it is “just food”, but it somehow means more. One friend expressed that many people left disappointed – they came to celebrate and pay honor, but they also came to enjoy the promised feast. They listened as the speaker talked of the bull and how good its meat would be, yet they did not share in its partaking.

I understand that sometimes things do not go as planned, and often we need to be patient and wait. It is not this that I am struggling with now. It is in knowing that I often fall short in showing my appreciation for family and friends – in knowing that I can seldom live up to my own expectation, that I so often “eat” before my guests as I place my needs before theirs, and so often I fail in my planning and preparations. I desire to show the love of Christ through service and action, but my heart is often focused on me and my needs, and even if I am fully prepared and ready, my best intentions can still fall flat.

To be continued…