Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Condition Of My Heart

My mind comprehends, but my heart is slow to follow. I am saved by grace, and grace alone. I know that, but I don’t live like I know that. I still struggle with trying to impress God with my actions. I want to live with the freedom that can only be found in Christ and in His grace. I fail so often, and I condemn myself way too much. I want to live for Jesus. Lately I have been too concerned with others' opinions of me. I have been too focused on my past and my prior successes that I have been afraid of trying new things for fear of failure. I am too concerned with the way of my outward appearance, instead of cleaning up my heart. I need Jesus, desperately. I am a big sinner in need of a big savior – I want to stop trying to impress the world, for my worth does not come from it. I have never been loved more than I am right now by God. Lord, help my heart to accept that.


Beth said...

Just wanted to let you know that Emmy prayers for you nearly ever night.

Anonymous said...

Hey Scott,

Self-addition is the most prevalent disease of mankind. We all have had it since we were babies, and no one is immune from it. God and his grace are our only hope to be cured of it, but it will take a long time, and we are bound to fail many times before we can succeed. However, failure does not separate us from God's love and grace; instead, it makes us more aware of our need for his love and grace, because we cannot do this on our own.

Sometimes I got really frustrated with my failure, thinking that I am such a disgrace to God's love and trust. This frustration could be so strong that I just wanted to give it up altogether and stop trying. However, this paragraph from "Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis helped me to get out of this frustration and to understand the real meaning of faith:

"After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is... just this power of always trying again... It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection."

I will continue to pray for you, and may the Lord grants you peace and joy, despite of the knowledge of your own flaws, because He loves you, just as you are.