There is within me a strong desire...

There is within me a strong desire to see the Gospel spread, for people to know, to feel, to experience the radical transforming love and power of God, a life-changing and life-giving mercy and grace that surely passes all understanding.

It is only with and through the inner working of the Holy Spirit that our eyes are open to what the Lord has called us to do and gives us faith to press on.

As I prepare to return to South Sudan in 36 hours, I am reflecting on the above words that I wrote a few months ago. As the combination of jet-lag lingers with the slight fatigue and dehydration of recently donating blood, I am feeling a bit at odds with myself. It is only 8 pm and my body wants to sleep, but based on the three previous nights I know I’ll likely wake up at three am. (This is not aided by the recent March Madness games that have corresponded with the three am time frame in Uganda and drew my attention to frequently update the scores in anticipation of the outcome, and which produced victories in my favor that subsequently propelled me into first place in my extended family pool of fifty people.)

I just received a call from Kaya, the young South Sudanese man I have been sharing my house with since 2012. He is excited about my coming, and his voice makes me even more excited to return. He lamented that he has not had tea with powdered milk since I left, a luxury that was a daily occurrence at my house when I was present. He also wanted to inform me to expect to see a skinny man when I arrive, as the lack of my cooking and purchasing of foods over the past four months has reluctantly thinned him down. I in return made him well aware to expect the opposite with me, as the American diet has resulted in a 17-pound weight gain on my part. He laughed, and countered with the observation that rainy season is coming soon, so I will be digging and lose it all again.

Kaya also told me that the fence behind my house fell down, so we’ll need to repair that when I return; no doubt one of many small things that have changed over the past four months. And honestly, I don’t know what to expect when I return. Yes, I expect hugs, and laughter, and shouts of joy, but I’m sure some things have changed. Some people have been more affected than others by the current fighting in South Sudan, some friends have produced more children, and some have lost more children. Life carries on in my absence, as it does in all of our lives. So as I think about returning, I am pressed to consider the things are that eternal.

Life as a missionary is not always a grand exuberant adventure, but rather a series of small daily decisions to open my life to others and to consciously wrestle with what it means to be a disciple of God. To fight evil by doing good, to act as hands and feet of our Father, to intentionally love on people, and not just pretend to love them, but to really love them as I try to figure out what that really means - these are the things that carry me through. These are the things that I cling to as I seek the face of God. These are the things that give me hope and fill me with passion.

So let me say it again:

There is within me a strong desire to see the Gospel spread, for people to know, to feel, to experience the radical transforming love and power of God, a life-changing and life-giving mercy and grace that surely passes all understanding.

It is only with and through the inner working of the Holy Spirit that our eyes are open to what the Lord has called us to do and gives us faith to press on.

I pray in all circumstances that my faith is greater than me fear, and that this same faith continually propels me forward in pursuit with reckless abandonment of a mighty Savior.