Relationships

10 September 2011

Relationships.

My life is about relationships. I’ve recently been thinking more intentionally about relationships, and in general, have been thinking about it for many years. Sometimes I do ok at relationships, I think. Other times I fail miserably, I’m sure. I guess I’ve always known this, but it has become clearer lately, that many people do not think like me – which may very well be a good thing.

I am not a person that has set out to change the world. I don’t have some great cause that I champion at all costs. I’m a guy that seeks to follow God. And I think a significant way to do this, as demonstrated many times in the Bible, is through relationship.

Discipleship, mentorship, and deep transformation takes time. Investing in people is not a quick endeavor, and patience and perseverance is helpful – characteristics I long for time and again, as they too often seem in short supply.

Accessibility is also helpful, as relationships are often forged over time through direct communication. Being available and accessible to friends may not always be realistic, but when trying to invest in people and during the beginning stages of relationship formation, it is important. Trust is not often won in a moment, but often ages and strengthens with time.

I think most people long for someone to listen to them, to feel validated, to feel like they have something important to say and something valuable to offer. A listening ear breaks down barriers and opens doors.

Mutuality. Something I am learning to recognize and desire more often. If I enter a relationship having all the answers, or all the resources, or I am always the dominant one, it is hard to have mutuality. Respect and vulnerability, recognizing one’s own needs and short-comings, and willingness to ask and let others help you pushes relationship forward in solidifying and encouraging ways. Mutuality is something my Sudanese brothers are teaching me, as my own lack of understanding and arrogance has left me deeply dependent on them over and over again. It would serve me well to humble myself more often and ask for help.

As I process relationship in the context of whom I am, whom God created me to be, and whom I desire to become, I am all the more convinced that all of us can create community and relationship wherever we are. We may see ourselves as relationally challenged, but that should not deter us from investment in such things. Time is often more of a factor then individual skill or lack thereof. A willingness to invest time, to learn about and listen to others, is key to relationship.

The rewards of relationship are numerous, but not without some level of risk. Many people have been hurt in and through relationship with others. Unfortunately, we are all sinful people, and that ugliness often comes out in the context of relationship. Long-term relationships often involve some level of conflict at some point. This is a chance for mutual growth, but may be unpleasant and very unwelcome at the time. I know I am not good at conflict resolution, but I desire to learn more and become better in this area, as I know it will help me in the future.

We do not always choose our relationships – whether it is co-workers or neighbors, but often we choose our friends. Whether we have few friends or many, it is important for us to be in relationship. The impact that people can have on each other, to spur one another on to fight the good fight, to flee from sin, to invest in others, to follow God through use of gifts and talents, to provide wisdom and insight in difficult situations – these are but a few of the endearing gifts that relationship can bring.