Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Heavy Weight of Reality

Bundibugyo, Uganda
Volume 2, Issue 22
December 12, 2007

-The Heavy Weight of Reality-
…faltering along the way…

Today I felt the weight of sin, mine and the worlds. Today the waves pounded hard on my mind and the tsunami in my soul ravaged. Today, as I sit here now it is sunny and calm outside, but a storm within.

Maybe the reality of the devastation around me finally caused me to pause and consider, maybe thinking of Jonah and the health workers that gave their lives for others finally hit my heart, maybe the children that always ask me for bread finally created tears from my consciousness, or maybe I just finally realized that I can not save the whole world from whatever it is that it needs saving from – but dang it, at least I can try. Maybe I am realizing that I too need saving from the onslaught of stress, pressures, a fallen world around.

I freely chose to spend my own money and come to Uganda. I freely chose to stay in Bundibugyo when the Ebola epidemic erupted, and I am freely choosing to stay even longer than originally planned (December 12 was the original departure date, but that was just changed to March 12). I am freely choosing to forgo most American comforts to love people and share the love of Jesus with them in the midst of crisis. I am freely choosing to follow God, no matter what the costs.

What breaks my heart most is when people tell me that I need to “come home”, meaning come back to America. What rips my emotions apart is when people don’t understand why I am here, or why I live every day of my life. What ravages and torments me is realizing that people are dying every day not knowing the love of Christ. What cleaves my pounding heart is grasping that people will never understand me or my life unless they understand that Jesus is my reason for living. What devastate me and crushes me is knowing that I can not force people to believe in God and Jesus. What inspires me is to lead a life devoted to Christ, to share the greatest joy I have ever known.

Thank you for your encouragement (Jess, April, Mary Ann, Margie, Erin, etc…). Thank you for your support (Bunker, Schmoo, Ace, Ice Man, David, Cho-Dawg, Cam-Dawg, etc….). Thank you for your love (Mom, Angie, Steph, etc...). Thank you for the laughter (Anne, Christy, Gary, BD, Grace, Thor, Coaster, Forrest, Cha Cha, Wick, etc…). Thank you for teaching me (Diane, Roberta, Dave, Gretchen, Jen, Donna, etc…). Thank you, Jesus, that even when I’m sad, glad, frustrated, or mad there are a million things that I am thankful for and a million more people not mentioned that have inspired, uplifted, mentored, guided, and challenged. Thank you that even though I still feel like a child, you are teaching me to become a man.

I love you,

Scott

3 comments:

SunnySusan said...

I understand that you cannot leave now. Your heart is fully there and in telling them of the love of Jesus...
It is when when we are in the Light more we see the darkness within us...

Praying for miracles

mc wright said...

Hi Scott...I have been in Kasitu a couple times, and I believe you met some people from the church I pastor (Snoqualmie Valley Alliance) this past November.

We are praying for you...as you experience the heavy weight of reality, you are going physically, emotionally and spiritually to a place where most will never travel. The heavy weight of reality is felt in the soul, and it's language is tears and questions.

What you are doing matters...may this dark night of your soultake you deeper into the heart of Christ.

Monty

Thor said...

Yogger,

Thanks for the props in the blog. Outside of my school blog I think this is the first time I have been blogged! It is so exciting to see you in Uganda. I can remember sitting in our kitchen in Rome talking about how you had a desire for medical missions, but were not sure what that meant for your life. How fun it is to see God working through that desire. You are in my prayers and I know you are doing a great work for the Kingdom.

Thor