To Create and Dance

To Create and Dance

June 24, 2011

Today, I see colors, and design, and I feel like creating, something of which I am not certain. I feel like letting go and dancing before the Lord. My body yearns to discover, to develop, to explore, yet in many ways it desires to collapse, to slumber in sadness, lying prostrate before the Lord.

Today, my emotions are a mixture of joy and sorrow. I want to praise God for all the challenges, and obstacles, and mountains, conquered and those to come. For the valleys of despair driving me closer to him, seeing in hindsight with contentment and awe, I am humbled before my God. As images of absolute nothingness, death, decay, and injustice hurtle through my current vision and past memory, I am left broken and aware of my feebleness to affect change. It is moments like this, juxtaposition of good and evil, of idealism and realism in my own mind, that I am more acutely aware of God and his goodness. I am left knowing that there is so much I do not, and never will, know.

Today, a recent injury to my own physical body has forced me to alter my pace of life, a painful reminder of my own limitations. So often I desire to work hard, to be productive in relationship and life, to push my own body physically harder than what I should. I don’t do well with rest. I don’t know how to handle my own thoughts, how to just be, how to be silent before the Lord.

Today, I long for Heaven, but with thankfulness for the here and now. I am seeing more clearly, and looking more intensely at people and trying to view them as created beings, trying to see more of the Creator. I wish I could always see with a clearer perspective of space and time, leaning heavily on the lens of love, but too often my own ambitions and desires cloud that picture.

Today, I wish I always felt the freedom to create, to dance, to shout with joy, to sob with sorrow. I wish I always felt the presence of God closely, carrying me, breathing life into me. Today I am thankful for whom I am, and today I am thankful that there is more to me yet to be discovered, even by me. Today, I am thankful that I can create and dance, not because I have to, but because there is something within me that wants to praise my creator.