This Sudanese Life...

This Sudanese life…

Do you ever wonder how you ended up where you are? Do you, like me, have surreal in-the-moment moments when you are thankfully able to pause and examine your circumstances from a bigger picture view?

I continue to remain thankful for where I am and what I am doing, though I cannot always articulate exactly what is I do. I find my time, and desires are increasingly focused on mentorship and encouragement of young men and youth. I still work at the local health center, and though frustrating at times for numerous reasons, I enjoy my time there and the numerous patients I see. But my real joy comes from sitting with people, listening to them, and trying to encourage through biblical truths.

I am realizing more and more the lack of depth and sustenance in terms of Christianity in the life of most young Sudanese men. I am also seeing more and more the need for solid, biblical teaching and equipping. Many people from the community have asked me if certain things are true regarding the bible and God. Many of their assumptions and firmly held beliefs are not biblical at all. Often when I inquire where they heard such and such phrase or teaching, my friends will reply from a pastor or friend that attends church. I used to think they must have misinterpreted what was said or made up something to justify their own actions. Though that may be true in some circumstances, I do believe that a lack of biblical teaching is present even among pastors and church staff.

Last week I ran into a local church pastor. A man I know fairly well and have had many previous conversations with. Some of those conversations have left me wondering about his motives and grounding principles. When he saw me last week he said, “Scott, you are gone these days.” I told him that I have been visiting many friends and often I will sleep at their homes. He then said, “You must have a girl friend here”. (The word girlfriend here almost always implies the girl you are having sex with). I told him, “No, I don’t. It is always guy friends that I am going to visit.” He absolutely did not believe me and said, “You must have a girl friend. You NEED to satisfy your needs.”

I was surprised by this pastor’s comments, but I probably should not have been. I’ve heard similar things before from pastors and church members. My initial reaction to his comments was ‘Is he reading the same Bible as me?’ and ‘What is he teaching the people in his church!’ A similar response came from the local theological college students when I was teaching them about sex and HIV as it relates to community health. Almost unanimously the class agreed that as a man you MUST start having sex at a young age and it is NOT possible for you to wait until you are married to have sex. These are all pastors in training.

Today I had a similar conversation, probably the 40^th or 50^th such conversation involving a young guy, with a friend that works with the local church. He asked me if I have a girl friend, and I said, “No, you have asked me this many times before and I always tell you no but you still refuse to believe me. Why do you not believe me?” His response, “Scott, I know you are lying. You MUST have a girl friend. Every man NEEDS to have a girl friend. Even if you don’t want to marry her you NEED to satisfy your bodies NEEDS. God has created you as a man to have sex. It is what you are supposed to do.”

The attitude and assumption that you will have sex starting at a young age (11-14 years old) is so ingrained in the mindset of people here. I could write multiple pages about all the conversations I’ve had on this topic, and they are all similar. Only once, only ONE TIME after 40 or 50 such conversations, have I met a young man over the age of 15 that told me his is still a virgin and hopes to remain so until marriage.

After all such conversations, whether it be about sex or how to get into heaven or alcohol consumption or drug use, etc., I am all the more left clinging to the cross of Jesus saying, literally yelling at times “Jesus, help!”

The thing is, my life, and my life goals are not so much about changing peoples’ behaviors. We all have things, or actions, or thoughts in our life that are not glorifying to God. I know I have several and there are probably several more that I am not aware of yet. Instead, my hope is to tell people about Jesus, and once they accept that Jesus died for them they will live in such a way as to glorify God. I believe that true and everlasting change, especially in terms of behavior, must be preceded by a change in heart first. I can’t change people, but God can, and he does!

I continue to believe that God has me where I am, doing what I do, to teach me about me. At one time I may have thought I was coming to Sudan to help people and love people by sharing Jesus with them. And though I hopefully do some of that, I firmly resolve that my life and time here is more about what God is doing to teach and love me.

We are all sinners in need of a savior. God is big enough to handle our past, our present, and our future. We need not be perfect, nor will we ever be, to enter into the glory and presence of God. He is waiting for us. My deepest desire is for everyone to know the loving savior that has rescued me from myself.