-part 2 of 3
In the past week I have slept in my own bed two times, and I’ve only cooked one meal. The outpouring generosity of friends and church staff has been overwhelming, as I have shared in meals with them and spent nights at their homes.
My friend Alex B. has long been a kind, caring, generous brother to me. His home has become my home, and his family has become a second family to me. I’ve written about Alex before on this blog, and today I want to tell you more.
Alex is in his early to mid twenties, he thinks. Most people here do not know exactly how old they are as record keeping was not a priority during times of war. His mother died a few years ago. He is one of four children, three of whom are still alive.
Alex owns a small shop in town, and he lives in a compound with several tukuls (huts) that he built himself. His father lives 30 miles away in the ‘bush’ of a small village. Alex provides shelter, food, and care for his aunt and her three daughters. His aunt had four children, three of them still alive. All four children had different fathers, and his aunt has never had a husband. Two of her daughters now have daughters of their own, and neither has a husband. Pregnant women, young girls having babies, and no husbands around. This is an all to common scenario around here.
I’ve spent many nights at Alex’s home in the past, including Christmas and seven days in a row during a burial ceremony for his cousin. His aunt calls me her son and Alex refers to me as his older brother. Several times he has said, “Scott Joseph Will, you are really my brother.”
(Just now, as I was typing this, Alex called me and greeted me as his brother!)
Earlier this week I was at his home and he started telling me more about his life and his current situation. For several months he has been trying to ‘take a wife’ but has been met with much difficulty by the father of his hopeful wife to be. We’ve had several conversations about this topic before and now it is becoming a saga filled event!
After much discussion, Alex told me that he is so thankful for me and the guidance and wisdom that I provide in his life. He has often said that he has few people in his life that truly try to counsel him and advise him. In reality, I don’t think I provide much actual guidance or wisdom, I just listen to him and try to steer him back to God.
Many times I have asked Alex about his faith and his beliefs in God. I enjoy asking guys like Alex “what do you think God wants from you?” as this question opens the door for deeper conversation about salvation and grace.
Please pray for Alex and his family. Though he desires to know God more, he has many pressures from his family and culture to conform to traditional beliefs that sometimes mar Christianity. It’s often the case here, and in America as well, where some issues are black and white in terms of what the ‘right’ thing to do is, but in the areas of gray he, and admittedly I, often struggle to know exactly what steps to take when sometimes following God seems like the harder thing to do.
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Last night I spent the evening with my friend Billi and his family. Billi is in his early twenties, is married, has a seven-month-old child, owns a small shop in town, and lives in a compound with several tukuls that he built, and he takes care of and is responsible for many people. He is also the cousin of Alex B.
Billi also calls me his older brother, or “Man of America”, or most recently after my return from Uganda “Man of Uganda” or “Man of Congo” because I was living close to Congo. His enthusiasm and laughter is to be admired.
As we sat under the dim light of the moon last night in the center of his compound eating sorghum, lentils, and eggs, we talked about life, and faith, and caring for others. He thanked me over and over again for taking time to ‘just be’ with him and his family – to sit with them and discuss life with them without having to rush somewhere else.
Billi is an exceptional young man despite hard circumstance and life events! He is so committed to helping his family and others that it inspires and challenges me. Billi grew up without a father, as his mother had four children from four different men before she finally married a man. She left her first four children with their grandmother as she went to be with her new husband. (Often in this culture husbands do not want to take care of or be responsible for children that they themselves did not biologically produce).
Billi has very good business-sense and he is an incredibly hard worker. He does well with his small shop, and he works very hard in the garden and has several fields of cassava that he sells, and he has several goats to help with income. He provides food, shelter, and financial support for his wife, daughter, grandmother, brother, four young cousins, and numerous other rotating relatives that come under his care. He has more responsibility than other 22 or 23 year old that I know, yet he remains very grounded and optimistic.
One of Billi’s deepest desires is to see his young cousins and brother get a good education. He provides all their school fees and materials. He tells them often that he is there to support them, and that they need to finish school to have a chance of making something with their life. This viewpoint is often counter-cultural, especially for girls, as many parents here choose not to pay school fees and do not highly encourage their children in educational dreams and endeavors.
Last night Billi lamented that his 22 year-old female cousin that lives with him, who just finished secondary school (high school), is now pregnant. He had hoped that she would attend university, as he previously told her that he would help her with fees and somehow find a way for her to go. Now her chances of going to university are over. She is pregnant, and the father of the child does not want to take her as a wife. So she will stay at home with Billi as the child continues to grow within her. Billi said that he will be happy to continue to provide care for her and the others, including her baby, but his dreams and goals of her pursuing her education are now dashed. There are few opportunities for people here, especially young women, to get out of the cycle of poverty and despair. Another young women with child, and no husband, will walk the streets of this town with little hope for her future.
I asked Billi about his faith - why he chooses to believe in God verse some other belief. He spoke of God’s care for us and how there can be no other way than by and through God. He also spoke about the rampant alcoholism, tobacco use, and rising number of unwed mothers in Mundri. His comment was that God will bless us, but God does not reward people who are lazy – if you work hard, laboring in the garden and do not toil all your days away, then God will reward you and honor you for your commitment to him. He compared Church to school – saying that both are important for education and we must encourage all youth to attend both. As one learns of science and math, he/she must also be taught the ways of God.
As Billi and his younger cousin walked me back to my house along the dry, dusty-claden winding paths dimly lit and scattered with neighbors and friends, he continued to thank me for my friendship and my willingness to just be with him and spend time with him and his family. He again confirmed to me that I am his older brother and will always remain so.
Please pray for Billi and his family. Though he is grounded in God, and is especially concerned about the welfare of others, he is not yet convinced that we are saved solely by faith and the grace of God through the sacrifice of Jesus. Billi is an amazing young man with immense responsibilities, trying to provide a way and a means for others to succeed. My desire is for him to know and experience the overwhelming love of God.
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