Sunday, August 10, 2008

I Am

Wanblee, South Dakota
Pine Ridge Indian Reservation
Volume 3, Issue 18
August 3, 2008

-I Am-
…desperate for you…

The gaiety of day is quickly fleeting as the darkness envelopes the sky. Another night is dawning as the South Dakota clouds cover up in blackness, only dotted with the glittering light of the multitude of stars above as they wake from their slumber.

I’ve enjoyed my time in South Dakota. A whirlwind of activity, with a well-balanced menu of work and pleasure. A different world of sorts. Beautiful yet plain. Unknown but inviting.

Where do I go from here? I’m thankful for the life I lead and how God has used me and directed me, but sometimes I feel so unsettled. Maybe I am too much of a loner with a rebellious heart – afraid of being tied down and forced to lead a life defined by others.

The past several weeks have left me depending on God, but too often I have failed to obey. I know I am well cared for, yet I act like an unruly child. I am selfish, greedy, prideful, and egocentric. I fail to submit and trust. I run and kick and scream when I need to be still.

God, help me to submit to you. Help me to turn to you instead of fleeing to sin, to actually believe what I already know, in all circumstances – that you love me and will never abandon me. I’m desperate for you.

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