Eternal Night

Bundibugyo, Uganda
Volume 2, Issue 12
November 24, 2007

-Eternal Night-
…The Power of satan’s Might…

In my last letter I spoke of immense blessing, God’s hand ever so present: tangible love, friends around, thanksgiving moments, beautiful memories abound. Thanksgiving was a joyous day, ending with a nearly 3 hour prayer time. I made my decision on Thanksgiving night that I am going to stay in Uganda longer than I had originally planned. I am not sure how much longer, but at least a few weeks for now, if I can change my plane tickets and raise some financial support. I felt good that night about my decision, and very confirmed that it was the correct one to make. Then the war began…

After completing my last letter I prepared for bed, and quickly my mood changed from delight to angst. I felt a strange uneasiness in the air. My sleep was extremely labored that night, hearing noises of bats in my room, and around 4 am I woke with a start and felt the evil one ever so near. I am sure he was there, tempting and causing me to fear. Only one other time in my life have I ever sensed such spiritual warfare. I immediately starting praying to God, that his angels would surround, that truth would be heard clearly – his truth of love, redemption, peace, and complete and final power over sin. Several scriptures came to mind, and I after some time I laid again to rest, though far from serene was the rest of the night. Friday, and part of today, was full of angst and palpable tension around and within me.

The pediatric ward was very busy Friday morning, chaotic at times, and a 1 year old child died just a few hours before I arrived. A child I had primarily seen the day before, a child who I thought was on the mend: a beautiful girl, only yesterday alive, now dead.

In my house I have killed two bats in the past two days, encountered numerous ants, killed several cockroaches, and been bombarded by lizards. Up until now I have never seen bats in my house.

I have a fear of snakes, and my fear has increasingly become unusually intensified over the past few weeks. I knew when I awoke Thanksgiving night that satan was physically near, and I find it no coincidence that the next day I had a run in with a large, pure black, 4 or 5 foot long, quickly moving, most likely very poisonous snake. As I was staring out my bedroom window I saw the snake descending a tree in my back yard, and then in turned towards me and speedily straight lined to the exact direction where I was. Luckily I was behind the window screen, as the snake slithered up the tree just in front of my window, literally only a foot or two from my face. I grabbed my friend who was waiting on me and we headed outside to kill the snake, but we searched all over and he was no where to be found.

Like that snake, satan is crafty, always on the move, and he seeks to thwart our belief in God. His schemes are clever, his workers many, he feeds on our fears. But take heart, we must, because Jesus Christ over came death, in the process conquering satan and sin once and for all. Like that window screen between the snake and me, Christ is our intercessor, our help in time of greatest need. There is a war raging for our very souls, but hold a fast and steady course, for the victory is already won. The battle is in the present, but if we believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins, hung on a cross for each of us, and loves us unconditionally, then the battle was won in the past and the future.

I do believe, Lord, help me with my unbelief. The angst I felt and the spiritual warfare around have only confirmed me that I made the right decision to stay. I can only believe it is when we are most in tune with God, most seeking to do his will, that satan targets us the most.

The following is a poem I wrote this morning as I was reflecting on the previous two nights and how sin so often entangles and satan ensnares. I praise God that through my unbelief he loves me still, and though my sins are many and great, he continues to provide.

Please pray for safety and security in Christ, that in all I do I will seek him first. Doing God’s will does not always mean being safe, and living here, in Bundibugyo has reinforced that. In all I do, I pray, Lord, that I do it all for you. More than anything, I covet your prayers.

Love,

Scott Will
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eternal night


Into the darkness I stare,
how can it be, is it true, is there no one there?
The blackness, the void, the chasm so deep,
am I really alone, in body, in soul, at last I break down and solemnly weep
For injustice, in despair, I cry out, I long to hear,
but once I again, no response, is there no listening ear?
Why O lord have you led me here,
such much poverty, harshness, despair?
How can I do your will, how can I find my way,
the path is unmarked, today can not be my day.
Yet, in this moment of silence, I am reminded that still you are near,
in my humanness I too often focus on regret, present needs, and fear.
How quickly do I forget that you have promised to hold me tight.
why am I always running, trying to hide from your sight?
O lord, I cry to you now, please forgive and forget
my sin, my ugliness, my reckless abandonment.
I need you, more than ever before, right now,
i am so lowly, so despicable, the thought that you could ever love me, but how?
I cling to your word, your promise, let me dwell in your sight,
help me in my unbelief, free me now, help me to fight.
For in moments like this, crushed by satan’s might,
the darkness seems like eternal night.

-Scott J. Will